Thursday, 31 July 2014

Return from reality? Or return to reality? Home visit

Day 2 and I'm already over the jetlag, although to be honest I didn't really succumb this year, apart from the ritual 2am wide awake for an hour experience. We've just returned from our yearly trip back to the UK and this year it was truly a whirlwind visit, fitting in 4 places in just 9 days. Last year we spent just over 2 weeks and it felt too long, as much as we loved the family we were itching to get "back home" to Singapore and our "new life" Maybe this was because it was still so new, candy coated, Xmas present anticipation, reinvention of who we were, a new chance at being young and free. This year the emotions were completely different.

The UK couldn't have put on a better display, perfect English summer, no humidity, no sweat constantly dribbling down your back with a dewy sheen across ones forehead! England was the bucolic lush, green and pleasant land. The country villages were idyllic with cricket  and cream teas on the village greens, you could almost see Agatha Christie, Jane Austen and Enid Blyton penning their next novel in that old wicker chair.

UK was teasing us, showing us all that was good but were we seeing it for the first time through rose coloured glasses? Look carefully past the gorgeous countryside and atmospheric architecture that I have always loved and been proud of about the UK anyway and has really that much changed? No not really... conclusion.... it's me that's changed. 

As I walked the paths I walked daily with the dog, visited the same shops, passed the same faces nothing was so much different but I'm not the same person as the one who walked those steps just a short 16 months ago. This time I was a visitor, a mere ghost, a changeling, one foot in the past, I did and then I didn't belong. I was me and yet it wasn't me, how when our time is up do I go back? I can't go back to how it/I was because, that person no longer exists, that life is no longer the same. Everything and everyone on both sides of the world has moved on, moved forward. The world is continually whirling. 

I miss my family, I miss the perfect England I glimpsed this visit, it was more difficult to leave this year but I was only a visitor in my "old home" but I missed also my new life, my new friends, the new adventures, reinventions and freedom. I'm torn in many ways, this visit showed that life will never quite be as simple again and which path should we take going forward?

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